Dating, Loneliness, and Men Part 2: Why Social Media Is Making Us Feel More Alone

This multi-part series aims to address the issue of male loneliness, and the corresponding decline in romantic relationships from the perspective of a Men’s Therapist. In this series, we will examine a variety of factors influencing trends related to males, loneliness, and romance. We will also then discuss potential solutions to these issues on both a micro and macro level. 

While dating apps are making it challenging to meet and engage with others, their impact on dating is rivaled by their online counterparts, social media. The impact of these apps is more indirect, but equally important to understand. When we feel like our life is a movie or show that can never measure up to the highlight reels of others, why do we expect our relationships to feel any different? In this post, we will examine how constant comparison, and the bombardment of reels and posts can change our inner narrative for the worst.

There’s an old saying that comparison is the thief of joy. These words are a great reminder of the pitfalls of seeking “greener grass” elsewhere, as it often is not as it seems from a faraway view. With this in mind, as our world has moved more and more online, and we’ve become hyper-aware of the highlight reels of the lives of others, it is hardly a surprise that it’s correlated with a negative influence on our levels of well-being. Make no mistake, social media is yet another common enemy of connection, as it has contributed to loneliness, and difficulties with romantic connection. 

Like dating apps, social media offers many benefits, but many drawbacks as well. For one, there is the issue of constant comparison to others, which can lead to unhappiness, or unrealistic expectations. When we are constantly seeing a relationship that seemingly looks more fulfilling than ours, or other potential mates that we deem more attractive (of course, we’re only seeing everyone's curated highlights and best side), no wonder it makes it more difficult for us to feel appreciation or connection to what we do have!

This tends to bleed into our mindsets around finances as well. I hear constantly from adolescents and early twenties aged individuals how they feel like it is impossible to make enough money to start a life or a family. Of course, when I ask them why they think this way, they almost always report to me that it is what they are seeing and hearing this type of dialogue from influencers and accounts on social media. Social media has created a false narrative that you need to drive a Range Rover and make a million dollars a year to attract or earn the approval of others, which is of course not the case. Nonetheless, young men seem to believe this more and more and are subsequently feeling hopeless that they can never measure up. This leads to the unhelpful “all or nothing thinking” (if it won’t be perfect, why start?), and then we see young males in droves giving up on dating and pursuing careers altogether.

The rise of influencers has also begun to impact us more than we realize. There are many positives to influencers and/or podcasts, as we can learn to eat healthier, complete home improvement projects, cook or bake, budget more effectively, and so on from our fingertips for little to no cost. That by and large, is a net positive. But it is not without drawbacks. By watching someone’s content or listening to their podcasts we build a pseudo relationship with the creator, as we are effectively digitally “hanging out” with them. Reels, or podcasts are a much more unfiltered brand of content as opposed to their radio and television predecessors, which were more produced and structured This shift tends to give a more intimate feeling for the consumer. We also have near constant access to this content, being able to choose when and how we consume it, and having the ability to “binge” them. This is of course a stark contrast to your favorite TV or radio show that used to come on at the same time slot once per day or once per week. The problem here lies that the level of trust and influence is magnified by modern content, and we have a harder time taking things with a grain of salt, or for that matter, even having our own opinion. This is particularly damaging for younger, developing brains. I hear from teens and early twenties men often that they feel like their favorite influencer or podcaster has “raised” them in many ways. I often hear things like “my opinions are all the same as (insert influencer/podcaster).” This, of course, inhibits our ability to learn critical thinking skills, and form our own unique opinions that serve us in our development.

Lastly, there is a fear of rejection, but also a fear of looking dumb online that permeates into our society, and has bled into dating. Men often report fearing being labeled as “creepy”, and having messages of theirs posted online by a potential companion for means of entertainment. This extends to real life as well, where places like bars, churches, or gyms were once social hubs in which two singles may meet and get to know each other. Research shows that men are approaching women less and less in these settings. Without risk, there is no reward, and less and less young men are being rewarded with meaningful social connection as a result of the risk aversion. 

Look, at the end of the day, social media isn’t going anywhere whether we like it or not. It can be a valuable tool in many cases, but when we spend too much time comparing our lives, relationships, or success to carefully curated highlight reels, it can quietly distort how we see ourselves and others. Real connection is rarely flashy or perfect; it’s built through vulnerability, effort, awkward moments, and most of all, showing up. The more we live online, the easier it becomes to forget that. If we want stronger relationships and a greater sense of fulfillment, we have to spend less time measuring ourselves against what we see on screens and more time investing in the people and experiences right in front of us.

Disclaimer: The content on this blog is provided for informational and educational purposes only and is not intended to be a substitute for professional mental health care, medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Reading this content does not establish a therapeutic relationship. If you are experiencing mental health or medical concerns, please seek the guidance of a qualified healthcare provider.

Max Sturm, LMSW

Owner and Clinical Therapist at Ascend Therapy Group

Max is a licensed therapist who has been working in the mental health field for the past 7 years after earning his Master’s in Social Work from the University of Michigan. He is trained in several evidence-based approaches, including EMDR and the Gottman Method. Max works primarily with men, couples, individuals on the Autism Spectrum, and clients recovering from trauma.

He is passionate about making therapy feel approachable, practical, and genuinely helpful while reducing the stigma around seeking support — especially for men. In his free time, Max is a frequent traveler, passionate sports fan, and enjoys playing guitar and spending time with his family and friends. If you’re interested in working together, feel free to reach out here.

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https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/max-sturm-howell-mi/1150307

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