Social Media and The Pressure to Keep Up

Let's face it, comparison is human nature, and there is plenty of research to back that up. It is a very human habit to compare ourselves to the people around us, whether they are friends, family members, coworkers, or even people we barely know. With social media, however, it can feel almost impossible not to compare at all tines of the day. We are constantly seeing other people's accomplishments, relationships, vacations, and major life milestones, which can quickly make us question where we are in our own lives.

Feeling Like You're Behind

One thing I have personally struggled with is accepting my own timeline and the feeling of being "behind." As I've watched friends and people I've known over the years move through different stages of life, I've caught myself comparing their progress to my own. People my age are graduating with their master's degrees, starting careers, getting married, having children, buying homes, or traveling around the world. When so much of that is shared online, it can be difficult not to look at where someone else is and wonder, “Why am I not there yet?”

Those feelings can become even stronger when we're already having a difficult time. If you're stressed about school, struggling at work, going through a breakup, worried about money, or simply unsure about what comes next, opening social media and seeing what feels like an endless stream of other people's happiness and accomplishments can be overwhelming. We may start asking ourselves things like; “Why can't I be happy right now? Why am I not where they are? When is it going to be my turn?”

We Need To Look Inward From The Highlight Reel

What we often forget in those moments is that social media only gives us a small look into someone else's life. We see the graduation picture, but not necessarily the stress that came before it. We see the new house, but not the financial worries. We see the engagement photos, vacations, promotions, and celebrations, but we don't always see the difficult moments happening behind the scenes. There is always more behind the curtain.

Harvard Health talks about this exact phenomenon in it’s guidelines for healthier social media use. We don't usually see every bad day, argument, financial struggle, insecurity, or moment where someone has absolutely no idea what they're doing. We can never completely know what is happening in someone else's life based on what they choose to share online.

Despite this, it is so easy to take those small pieces we do see and compare them to the entirety of our own lives. It’s worth asking yourself; what does that feeling mean to you?

It can be uncomfortable to admit that someone else's success makes us feel jealous, sad, or even frustrated. You can genuinely be happy for someone while also wishing you had what they have. Those two feelings can exist at the same time, and I think that's something we don't always talk about.

Instead of immediately judging yourself for feeling that way, try becoming curious about it. What was it about that person's post that bothered you? Are you actually jealous of them, or did their accomplishment remind you of something you want for yourself?

Maybe seeing someone graduate reminds you that you want to finish school. Maybe seeing someone get engaged makes you think about where you want your own relationship to go. Maybe someone's vacation makes you realize you haven't given yourself a break in a long time. Sometimes comparison can tell us more about what we're feeling or wanting than it does about the person we're comparing ourselves to.

Taking a Step Away

Social media isn't going anywhere, and comparing ourselves to others probably isn't going to completely disappear either. What we can control is how much power we allow those comparisons to have over the way we view ourselves.

Sometimes that might mean taking a break from social media, unfollowing or muting accounts that consistently leave you feeling worse, or simply reminding yourself that you're looking at one small part of someone else's life. Cleveland Clinic recommends paying attention to how you feel when using social media and recognizing when things like comparison, FOMO, or insecurity come up, as they may be signs that you need a break.

And taking a break doesn't necessarily mean deleting every social media app and never going back. Maybe you stay off for the rest of the night. Maybe you unfollow an account that always makes you question yourself. Maybe you put your phone down and spend some time doing something you actually enjoy.

It can also help to pay attention to the things happening in your own life that might not feel "post-worthy." Not all progress comes with a big announcement. Sometimes progress is making it through a difficult week, finally asking for help, setting a boundary, getting out of bed on a hard day, or figuring out what you actually want for yourself.

Your Life Doesn't Have a Deadline

There is a world outside of social media. Life doesn't happen on one universal timeline. There isn't one age when you have to graduate, find your career, get married, buy a house, have children, or have everything figured out. Someone else reaching a milestone before you doesn't mean that you're late. Their success doesn't take away from the progress you're making, even when your progress looks completely different.

You may not be where someone else is right now, but that doesn't mean you're behind.

Helpful Resources:

Harvard Health: Scroll Smarter to Protect Your Mental Health 

Cleveland Clinic: When (and How) to Take a Social Media Break

Disclaimer: The content on this blog is provided for informational and educational purposes only and is not intended to be a substitute for professional mental health care, medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Reading this content does not establish a therapeutic relationship. If you are experiencing mental health or medical concerns, please seek the guidance of a qualified healthcare provider.

Julia Belinsky is a Master of Social Work candidate at Wayne State University School of Social Work. She is passionate about supporting children, teens, and adults, and has experience and knowledge in working with Attention/Deficit Hyperactivity-Disorder (ADHD), Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), life transitions, and relationship concerns.
Julia believes in building genuine connections with her clients in order to help them find the deepest connections with theirselves. In her free time, she enjoys reading, traveling, playing video games, swimming, and skiing. If you’re interested in working together, feel free to reach out here.

Thanks for reading! Please contact us below for more.

248-238-8069

maxsturm@ascendtherapyllc.com

LinkedIn