The Parts of Yourself You Don't Like Still Have Something to Teach You 

The Parts of Ourselves We Would Rather Not See

All of us contain dimensions we would rather not acknowledge. Anger, fear, vulnerability. The list goes on. The common response is often an attempt to deny or disengage from these parts of the self as much as possible. We tell ourselves that we need to stop being this way or that these feelings are not a part of who we “really” are. If you ask most therapists, they will tell you that whether good, bad, or somewhere in between, most emotions and behaviors serve a function. What if by closing ourselves to our negative aspects, we miss what they are trying to teach us? Carl Jung, the founder of analytical psychology, developed a concept called the shadow that offers an insightful lens into this question. 

What is the Shadow

The shadow refers broadly to aspects of ourselves that are outside our conscious awareness or don't fit the identity we have developed for ourselves . The material in our shadow usually winds up there through repression. Many necessary and appropriate skills, beliefs, and/or attitudes can be repressed into the subconscious shadow if deemed unacceptable by parents and/or the child's environment (International Association for Analytical Psychology [IAAP], n.d.). For example, a child who is taught not to voice their opinion as a child may end up as timid or shy as an adult without fully understanding why. The persona, or the social identity we present to others, can therefore reinforce this repression by encouraging us to hide traits that do not fit how we want to be perceived, pushing them further into the shadows. It is important to note that when something enters the realm of the shadow, it does not mean they stop experiencing the emotion, just that the emotion becomes an object the ego wants to distance itself from. Think of it like a wave. If we only look at what is happening above the surface, the wave appears to rise and move on its own. But when we look beneath the surface, we can see the deeper currents and tides that are shaping its movement. In much the same way, we may experience certain thoughts, emotions, reactions, or behaviors consciously without recognizing the unconscious forces beneath them. Whether or not we are aware of the shadow, it can still influence what rises to the surface. 

You Can’t Delete Parts of Yourself

In a society where well-being is frequently measured by function and the ability to earn, it is critical to understand that rejection is not the same thing as resolution. You can lie to yourself, mask it from your co-workers, grit your teeth, and pretend you don’t feel the pain, but from a Jungian perspective, the more we try to push things outside of ourselves, the more they can continue to subconsciously influence our experience (Tousignant, 2024). Accepting uncomfortable parts of ourselves can be scary. In a world where entire economies are built around guilt, fear, shame, and comparison, opening yourself up to the shadow can feel like inviting an avalanche of negative self-talk. But it doesn’t have to. The goal is to acknowledge difficult feelings and impulses so we can respond to them more consciously and responsibly. Understanding them does not excuse harmful behavior.

Integration: Understanding Isn't the Same as Acting 

Working with the shadow does not mean “letting your dark side out.” Working with difficult internal experiences doesn't mean acting on them; rather, contemporary depth approaches emphasize bringing greater awareness to them and understanding how they shape our experience (Tousignant, 2024). For example, someone who was constantly compared as a child may manifest those feelings in the form of jealousy or envy in their adult life. Working with the shadow does not mean saying “I am a terrible person for being jealous” or “It is okay for me to be jealous.” Instead, shadow work emphasises using the tension between the conscious experience and repressed shadow content to access information. Someone engaging with jealousy from a shadow work perspective may then say, “What does this person's success represent that I want for myself?” in response to jealousy. That answer can then inform an active psychological and or/spiritual process of working on oneself guided by an active examination of the shadow's content. This process transforms repressed, subconscious influences into a source of clarity and direction. 

Try This: Five Questions for Your Own Shadow 

1. What am I experiencing?

Name the emotion or reaction as specifically as you can: anger, jealousy, insecurity, competitiveness, fear, resentment, vulnerability, etc.

2. What specifically is creating such a strong reaction in me?

 Become curious about why it affects you so strongly.

3. Is there something in this reaction that I have difficulty recognizing in myself?

This is where the Jungian concept of projection comes in. The goal is not to compare yourself to the person or situation that triggered a reaction, but rather to see if there is something about the trigger that brings up something difficult to acknowledge within yourself. 

4. What does this reveal about the tension between who I believe I am and what I am experiencing?

This tension is the heart of shadow work. For example, “I am a social person” and “lately I have been self-isolating a lot” are two beliefs that can both be true. Instead of trying to figure out what belief is correct, allow yourself to acknowledge conflict and explore the reasons fueling it. 

5. How can I respond to what I've discovered without either rejecting it or letting it control me?

The goal isn't to act out the shadow. It's to become conscious of it so you have more freedom in deciding what to do with it.

A Note on the Exercise: This is not a formal Jungian assessment, nor were the questions written by Jung himself. Instead, the questions are a practical application of his later work discussing how to deal with tension between the ego and the shadow, intended to encourage a process of curiosity and self-reflection (Jung, 1959).  

References

International Association for Analytical Psychology. (n.d.). The shadow. https://iaap.org/jung-analytical-psychology/short-articles-on-analytical-psychology/the-shadow/

Jung, C. G. (1959). Aion: Researches into the phenomenology of the self (R. F. C. Hull, Trans.). Princeton University Press. (Original work published 1951)

Tousignant, B. (2024). Transcendence and its shadow: A depth psychological inquiry into transcendence, the transcendent function, and spiritual bypassing. Psychological Perspectives, 66(4), 479–496. https://doi.org/10.1080/00332925.2023.2311547

Disclaimer: The content on this blog is provided for informational and educational purposes only and is not intended to be a substitute for professional mental health care, medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Reading this content does not establish a therapeutic relationship. If you are experiencing mental health or medical concerns, please seek the guidance of a qualified healthcare provider.

Caleb Joslin is a Master of Social Work candidate at Wayne State University School of Social Work. He is interested in working with substance abuse, young men, veterans, and trauma. He also has a strong interest in philosophy and spirituality and enjoys exploring questions related to meaning, purpose, and the human experience.
Outside of the office, Caleb enjoys creating and listening to music, writing, and cycling. If you're interested in working with Caleb, please reach out below!

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