What to Do When You Feel Stuck: 5 Perspectives to Help You Move Forward

We all have seasons of life that feel like a constant cycle of one step forward and two steps back. Being stuck in a rut, especially for a prolonged period, can be defeating. Each failure can dim our hope for the future a little more.

My experience in the field thus far has mostly consisted of helping individuals struggling with substance use disorder, and I have been lucky to have some incredible mentors along the way. One of the most influential is the best peer recovery counselor I know. He struggled with addiction for over thirty years, to now have thirty years of sobriety. He now puts all he has learned along his journey to good use by helping transform the lives of those who find themselves in a position he once was.

One thing he always tells me is that “the mind is a dangerous thing to use without instructions.” He explains that the mind is a very powerful computer, and like a computer, the mind has pop-ups. Our task, then, is to find a set of instructions that can help us quickly exit out of these pop-ups before too many appear, ultimately crashing our system.

The good news is that humans have been studying the mind for thousands of years, creating “instructions” that have transformed the lives of millions over the centuries. Deep within all of us is a being capable of powerful change; it is just a matter of finding the instructions that work for you.

This article will present five different perspectives on the process of change that are common in the therapy room. Each perspective offers a different way of understanding the human mind and what it means to feel stuck. My hope is that one of these perspectives can provide helpful information to readers, and perhaps even plant a seed of change; one that can bloom if you just give it a little water.

Psychoanalytic: Look at What Remains Unresolved 

The first step in getting unstuck may be looking to the past. Sometimes the patterns we find ourselves repeating have roots in experiences, relationships, or emotions that we never fully processed. Our frustrations in the present can feel exacerbated by something we are still carrying with us or relationship dynamics similar to those we experienced growing up. You don't necessarily need to uncover some huge hidden trauma. Try recognizing patterns, being extra aware when you feel yourself avoiding something, or taking note when you project feelings from the past onto people. Try asking yourself what keeps showing up in my life that I haven't really dealt with? 

Behavioral: Create Some Movement 

As cliche as this saying has become, sometimes the best way to get unstuck can be to stop thinking and just do it. Behavioral activation is a therapeutic approach based on the idea that our behaviors and our mood influence one another. When we feel stuck or depressed it often keeps us disconnected from the people and activities we love, which ultimately makes things worse. Just do it is a popular saying for a reason (outside of the billion dollar ad campaign). The evidence shows that it often actually works in getting us away from feeling stuck. The problem occurs when we hear just do it and think that means we have to change our whole life in a day. Dispel that thinking, instead try asking yourself “what's one thing I know I can do today to create joy for myself, even if I feel tired or unmotivated? 

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy: Make Room to Discover Who You Want to Be

Often, we get stuck by thinking we need to be a certain way or reach a certain stage of life before we can change. We might tell ourselves, “I’ll start when I feel more confident,” or “I just need to figure things out first.” Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) tells us differently. We do not need to have all of our shortcomings in order before we can start to change. If that were the case, why would anyone need help changing to begin with? Instead, we can learn to accept and work with who we are right now.

Think of it this way: Imagine you are a pirate captain steering your ship down a river. Every day before you set off, unwanted passengers sneak onto your ship. Eventually, you become so frustrated and caught up trying to get rid of these unwanted passengers that you never even take the ship off the dock. ACT suggests that a wiser approach is to focus on steering your ship in the direction you want to go, while learning how to keep others from grabbing the wheel.

You may not be able to control whether you feel anxious, uncertain, or afraid, but you can ask yourself what kind of person you want to be in the presence of those feelings. Whoever you want to be, you do not need to have your whole life figured out to start taking small steps in that direction. Try asking yourself what kind of person do I want to be, even when life doesn't feel the way I want it to?

Systems Perspective: Look at What’s Around You

Sometimes feeling stuck has less to do with what is happening inside of us and more to do with what is happening around us. Systems perspective shines light upon the way people, places, and things across all levels of our environment are constantly influencing us. Family, relationships, work, finances, culture, education, and access to resources can all influence what choices feel possible. 

I regularly hear people ask themselves “what is wrong with me?”, rather than first asking “what is happening around me?” Let me make one thing clear, recognizing the intersectional influences of our environment does not mean dismissing personal responsibility. In fact it is the opposite. It means taking a clear and honest look at our surrounding environment and determining what is and is not in our control, as well as where our energy is best directed. 

And luckily you do not have to do this on your own. Part of this process is also making note of where you feel a little bit of help could go a long way. Try asking yourself what parts of my situation are within my control, what parts are outside of it, and who or what might help me navigate the difference? 

Consciousness: Reconnect With Your Inner Self

It is the nature of our ego and our societal programming to always be seeking more. More money, more status, more recognition, more growth, etc. Wanting more is not inherently negative, it can be a sign of tremendous passion, motivation, or intuition. 

However, in this constant pursuit of more it can be easy to lose touch with what is really important. We start measuring ourselves through comparison and/or external milestones, forgetting that there is no right or wrong way to live life. We all are walking our own path.

That is why sometimes the best solution is addition by subtraction. Notice what arises when you strip away the influences of the external world. Try creating a little space between yourself and the constant stream of thoughts. Sit somewhere quiet, take a walk without your phone, meditate, pray (if it’s relevant to you), spend time in nature, or simply pay attention to your breath. The goal is not to find some grand answer. Really there is no goal at all. When we put some distance between ourselves and our minds constant stream of thoughts and impulses a new perspective begins to arise. From that perspective, the next step may be a little easier to see. Hopefully that next step is something inline with your heart, and not from the expectations of the world. Try asking yourself what do I notice when I stop trying to solve my life for a moment and simply pay attention to it? 

Whichever perspective speaks to you, choose one small way to put it into practice and give that seed of change the time and care it needs to grow. Where in your life do you feel most stuck, and which of these perspectives might help you see a way forward?

Disclaimer: The content on this blog is provided for informational and educational purposes only and is not intended to be a substitute for professional mental health care, medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Reading this content does not establish a therapeutic relationship. If you are experiencing mental health or medical concerns, please seek the guidance of a qualified healthcare provider.

Caleb Joslin is a Master of Social Work candidate at Wayne State University School of Social Work. He is interested in working with substance abuse, young men, veterans, and trauma. He also has a strong interest in philosophy and spirituality and enjoys exploring questions related to meaning, purpose, and the human experience.
Outside of the office, Caleb enjoys creating and listening to music, writing, and cycling.

If you're interested in working with Caleb, please reach out below!

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